The perils of writing: When you are, in fact, not a writer.

I am forever finding articles, opinions, and endless lists of how to kick-start that dreaded bastard known as writer’s block. Methods to trick your brain into writing without thinking about it. Suggestions of writing, quite literally, without thinking or reading until you are entirely dry of words. Attempts to ignore that irritating little voice in the forefront of your mind telling you that actually the use of “stupid” is as stupid as you currently look (with your face scrunched into a concentrated frown, tip of tongue poking between your teeth, and last night’s dinner still staining your t-shirt), and encouraging a process of self-correction as you go. Something I personally struggle to escape from (even with a clean t-shirt).

Another option is to, quite simply, just write. Write anything. Write everything. Do whatever you can to allow those words the breath of life as they appear on the page before you. They don’t have to make the perfect of sense. They don’t have to form coherent sentences. They can simply be word after word of gibberish nonsense. As soon as they’re written, so they say, you will feel better.

I’m finding an interesting collaboration of these suggestions to be true. Whilst, yes, I am unlikely to ever shake that nagging voice of correction and on going editing, I am also finding that writing is, believe it or not, handy. It’s almost as if it is its own breed of ironic procrastination. In an attempt to hide from the pressures of an inability to write the words I need to write, I am instead finding solitude in the meaningless, the random, the unnecessary. Regardless of this fact, I have indeed managed to trick my bitchy little brain into simply writing for writing’s sake. With no deadline, no boundaries, no structure, format, or outline.

I am not a writer. I have never intended to be, nor have I ever pretended to be, a writer. And yet I frequently find myself assuming role of writer. Be it through personal or business matters, writing, it would appear, is a part of my life. Despite this, I am in a constant battle with both the need for inspiration and the challenge of having too many thoughts. It is becoming a challenge to grasp those floating thoughts and ideas and merge them with a kick-arse selection of words, that not only make sense, but make an interesting, occasionally witty, and always coherent argument/message/narrative. So instead, I just am writing. Anything. Everything. Without thought.

Again motivation, must you take a holiday during essay week?!

Oh very big dear. That’s how the week’s started. With a crash (of the housemate’s peanut butter. But that’s another story..). Motivation is lacking. Stress is high. And classes are ending, which you’d think would be a good thing, but it’s just a reminder that the year is nearly over. (A thought that is so bloody scary it’s almost laughable.) Oh and the internet sucks. I asked for tea several hours ago.. Am still waiting Twitter.

But in the meantime, what do we do? We wack on the Glee soundtrack, grab several bags of monster munch (oh they make me happy) and snuggle up on the comfiest chair we own with a huge book of drama geek stuff. Oh blimey drama geek stuff isn’t as easy as it sounds. Nuh-uh. 4 hours of work has resulted in a whole 98 words of an introduction. Genius. Only another 1400 to go..

Of course there has been procrastination, oh look at that I’m procrastinating now! I’m sure it’s made all the better by the fact that I’m aware of it, right? Meh.. We’ve attacked the wall with photos. Which does in fact look beautiful, if I do say so myself. So what if it’s only going to be there for another few weeks.. It’s a reminiscent wall. And we’ve discussed hair cuts (We’re female okay. Sometimes girlie talk does actually occur!). Radical change may be on the cards. In fact almost an hour was spent debating face shapes.. Yay for a square face!

Right, so as Twitter is refusing to make tea, guess I’ll actually have to get up. Grr at you Twitter. That’s all I have to say to you. Grr..

Today’s the day of super huge socks. Oh aye indeed..

Wednesday. The day that follows Tuesday. Funny that..

Always a good day Wednesday. Probably because Tuesday’s are always (without fail) so ridiculously shite that Wednesday can only ever be an improvement. Plus, today started with large socks. Thick, fluffy socks. A beauty of an invention, I’m sure you’ll agree. Especially in halls, where it’s cold when it should be hot, and hot when it should be cold. Oh blimey..

Actually, to be fair, there was definitely a crappy moment in the middle of the day. When the Asda people  forgot to ring me so I had to ring them, and then they said they couldn’t deliver until tomorrow. Screaming happened. As soon as the phone was hung up. It was a fun moment I assure you. Ha.

But anyhow, aside from the little scream in the middle of the day, Wednesday has been grand. I received a letter from Gordon Brown asking me to vote labour. Ta for that Gordy.. And ate pasta twice in one day. A huge achievement right there. Ooh, and the nails are a different colour. Oh yes, I’m just raking in the productivity.

Or I’m just a professional in the procrastination department. Which is, let’s be honest, more likely.

Tonight am off to see the second year drama student’s final performance. Which is weird as that’ll be me next year. An exceptionally daunting prospect, especially if this next year goes as uber-fast as this one has. Oh god I’m gonna have to be a grown-up. Like, a real one. I don’t like these thoughts. The ones where being a child is no longer acceptable and you have to have responsibilities and scary jobs and all that jazz. Oh dear..

Oh hello Procrastination, we meet again..

I’m not entirely sure why I ever thought I’d be rid of it. We get along so very well, and actually I’m probably at my happiest when it’s around. But I feel so bad, so very bad, when it takes over my life.

Procrastination. That beautiful, sweet and yet soul-destroying word. It’s back again, and this time with a bang.

I rediscovered Alias. Season 2, and the best in my opinion. Although that could just be because they managed to include Bradley Cooper, Michael Vartan (my Mum’ll be a fan of that pic..) and David Anders in one season (and episode on some occasions), which of course naturally makes me more than a little happy. In fact if you aren’t familiar with the Jennifer Garner-meets-double agent spectacle, I suggest you check it out. Girl with gun. Kick-arse girl with gun. And a phenomenal number of wigs. Awesome.. Plus, it’s soundtrack is incredible. I kid you not.

I also rediscovered reading. But like, for pleasure. Woah. I know, I should have warned you, that’s crazy stuff. I’d actually forgotten that books existed outside of critic’s theories on Austen’s sexuality and Ancient Greek philosophies. It’s mind-boggling.. Really. It was probably going home that did it for me. making my way up those (note: carpeted) stairs and coming face to face with my mammoth library of teenage fiction. Pure bliss actually. And yes, I know, I’m an English student and should really be reading something more impressive than Stephanie Meyer, but (as an English student) all my super scary, ‘I’m intelligent really’ novels are here at Uni, so I might possibly have indulged in a little light-reading. It is the fave after all..

Another source of procrastination? Food experimentation. With limited ingredients. Last night I concocted bolognese sauce, but with vegetarian sausages. I’m sure it has a proper name, but funky-tomato-veggie-sausage-mush-stuff doesn’t sound all too appetising really. And it was surprisingly good, I’m proud to say. Sure the rice was slightly over-cooked, and the sausages were slightly under-cooked, but aside from that, a beautiful cuisine. And a time waster. Yay for time wasting!

So now, I’m in for yet another evening of procrastinating, although, does it count if you plan it?? Hmm.. Maybe I could say I have ‘plans’? Well, or not.

Flying pigs are character building..

15 reasons why procrastination is clearly a better use of your time than whatever it is you’re actually supposed to be doing..

1. My wall *did* actually need all those magazine clippings plastered across it. Now when people walk past my almost-wide-open door they say ‘Ooh I like your wall..’ and it’s a fabulous starting point of discussion. Hence, making me little-miss-friendly, with my open door and talking point. Plus it is actually a great story involving me, a box full of drawing pins, an unfortunate stack of magazines and a clock reading 2.30am. Hells yeah. Welcome to the life of a student. This is how we *really* spend our nights..

2. My room no longer ever resembles the aftermath of an atom bomb explosion. Serious. I know, it’s crazy, this is *me* I’m talking about.. And yet somehow my little box room is in fact the tidiest in the building. Total shocker.. Essays may take over three times as long as they really should, but.. my entire house can fit comfortably in my room for a round of ring of fire. And really, what more could you want as a fresher?

3. It was indeed a matter of life and death that I run (yes, run) to the shop to buy them out of chocolate before they close (at 10pm.. Nice shop.) so that I can consume my body weight in sugary goods to keep me nice and jittery during essay writing. Cause really, this is a good state to be in when 70% of your module grade depends on it. Totally.

4. Do polar bears really cover their noses when they stalk their seal prey? Well, I would’ve simply believed that yes they do.. (This is where the genius hobby of procrastination comes into it..) And yet, according to my trusty pal google, there is in fact debate as to whether they do or not! Shocking.. I’d just ask the polar bears personally. I’m sure they’re perfectly willing for a good natter now and again. Poor polar bears, the topic of debate and no-one asks their opinion. Y’know, next time I meet one I’ll ask and we’ll sort this out once and for all. *Watch this space*

5. Reading other people’s blogs is a crucial necessity if I plan to educate myself in the ways to write eloquently, (can you tell I’m an English student?) and achieve the ability to bullshit my way out of anything. So in all honesty, it is entirely Jenny the Bloggess’ fault that my essay is still incomplete. Or at least it would be if she didn’t provide me with such entertainment.. So apologies Jenny, it’s really not your fault, in fact you inspire me to keep on being that little bit not normal.. I knew there were people like me out there..

6. The ability to debate is clearly a crucial skill to have. And as a potential future employee to someone out there, surely it’s a good ‘un to put on my CV. Y’know, transferable skills and all that malarkey.. So, actually those 10+ debates I had over the importance of this year’s Christmas No. 1 were in fact a life changing moment for me. And I really should thank Jenni and the others for their impact on my debating skills. Hugs for you guys..

7. Scientific experiments are good for you. Especially when they involve flicking the light-switch over and over again to watch your computer screen dim and brighten in the different lights. Definitely a productive use of my time.

8. Yes. It was entirely necessary for me to try on every single item in my wardrobe in order to create the best ‘oh-this-is-just-something-I-threw-on-this-morning-without-really-putting-much-thought-or-effort-into-it’. Because seriously, I need to stop doing that. Just throwing things on in the morning without putting much thought into it. I come back after the first lecture of the day and think “Oh sweet lord what was I thinking when I decided to actually leave the house like this?!” Answer: I wasn’t. But then I can’t change before my next class, because that would be seriously vain and uncool. And I’m neither of those. Well, actually that’s a lie, I’m seriously uncool.. But that’s totally not the point. What was my point? Oh right, it was crucial that I decorate my room with clothes in order to create several combinations. Although more than likely I will have forgotten them the next time I need to ‘throw’ an outfit together.

9. Twilight fanfiction. Do it. In fact, I’ll make it easy for you.. Click here.

10. Dancing around the room to Christmas songs is a one-month-a-year kind of activity. Do not waste time. It is an activity to be taken with the utter most seriousness.. Until of course you start dancing (and singing along, with the stereo cranked up to stupid volume) and then you may want to rethink your genius plan of leaving the door unlocked so that your housemates can just wander in and stare open-mouthed at your ever-so-slightly-eighties-inspired-dance-moves for god knows how long.

11. Discovering new likes is character building. Or something like that. Or have I just made that up? Anyway, I totally never would have known that I actually like red wine. At least if it weren’t for the last half hour. Blimey. Apparently pigs do fly.

12. Pitta bread pizzas have become my new favourite thing since the discovery of apple juice. Seriously. Why did no-one introduce me to these wonders before?! Pure genius.. Super cheap. And easy. Love it..

13. I can feed my surfing tendencies. Hello internet addiction..

14. One word: Farmville. Damn you facebook. Damn you graffiti-boy-housemate. Damn you cute little ugly ducklings and ever growing soy beans. Damn you and your addictiveness. At least I know I could work it as a farmer. Well, as long as I got super cute wellies and a new hat for each day of the week.. That’d be awesome.

15. This is a good ‘un right here..

In my awesomely fat pink pen.