Dear Confused Teen Girls: someone who sparkles and won’t have sex with you isn’t a vampire; it’s a gay guy. ~ Barbara Haynes
Cinema, we’re over. Through. Done with. Caput..
There’s only one thing worse than going to the cinema to find the movie is an utter disappoint, a fail-and-a-half if you will, and that’s having to listen to silly teenage girls giggle inanely at every bloody thing that happens.
Really girls. You know Bella and Edward kiss, you’ve all read the books. You know Bella and Jacob kiss, again the whole book thing. You are clearly aware that they get engaged and talk about sex. It is therefore not necessary to giggle. At *anything*. Seriously. I get that the werewolf dudes are hot. Obviously they are, or they wouldn’t have got the roles. It is *their job*.
I really don’t understand why the films are so popular though? (Books, yes. Films, no.) They miss out half of the story anyway, plus they’re just not that good. The filming is really shaky, as though they want you to imagine you’re actually there. All it really does is make you seasick. The acting ability of the key characters? Well, I’ll just leave that as a question mark I think.. Plus, actually, they’re boring to watch. Both the films *and* the actors themselves. The only exciting part of the new film is the final fight, and that’s all digital anyhow.. Oh man.
If I’m going to be honest, there were actually a couple of funny moments, in a ‘we’re-trying-to-be-sarcastic’ way, which were amusing. (eg. ‘The’ sex talk. With her dad. Fantastic. Although, that says more about the writing than the film itself..) But, *I was the only one who laughed*. Seriously. In a packed cinema, no-one else got the sarcastic humour..
My main response to this not so fantastic experience, is that I’m never going to the movies to watch a ‘blockbuster’ hit again. Nuh-uh. I can manage to wait the 6 months (or not even that anymore..) wait for the duh-vuh-duh. I mean really.. Cannot deal with teenage girls who seem to only have one function, the happy-clapping giggling one. Gah. I’m turning cynical (Ha! Turning..?) in my old age.
And just to join in with all this bloody Team Edward vs. Team Jacob malarky? I say screw ’em. Gimme Jasper anyday..